How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
