Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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