No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
