Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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