I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this boner is exhausting
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize