If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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