it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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