You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
