I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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