saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
