I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize