I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i love accidental penises.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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