I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
