my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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