Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize