well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
