I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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