i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize