normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
