Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
