Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize