I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
