Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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