I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
