he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
