someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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