just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.