I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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