Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.