you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.