I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.