Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
