Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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