i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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