"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
