At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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