I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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