This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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