You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
