life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I met the friendliest cop last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
