Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
