I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
