I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
