First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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