You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
