I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So much rum. So many feels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
