Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
