i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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