Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
