well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am spending my child support on dildos
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
