what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
