youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Operation Purity has been aborted
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
