i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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