If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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