Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
