JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
