he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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