Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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