Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
