so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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