wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
