We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
