Nicole vs. Life
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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