No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm having to shit out rocks
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
