When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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