a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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