mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are two peas in an std pod
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED