if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single