he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to calm my uterus...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.