There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!