yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again