She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You ruined the universe