I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.